Questions to Answer Before You Get Married
Lacey |
Thoughtfully composed by Lacey Filed under: Marriage, Engagements, Counseling |
From the most recent issue of Comsopolitan, Here are some questions to ask yourself before you:
Move in Together
- Am I moving in with him mainly to get distance from my parents or to prove that I’m an adult?
- Am I doing this because I don’t think I can make it alone and I assume s/he’ll take care of me?
- Was this decision prompted because it makes life more convenient or is it a great financial deal?
- Am I running away from a bad living situation or roommate?
- Can I tolerate their daily habits?
- Do I feel relaxed enough around them to reveal my flaws?
- Have we discussed duties? Who cleans and when? Or have we agreed to hire someone?
- Will we split our rent down the middle or does it depend on whose salary is bigger?
- Have we set rules about how often friends and family may stay over?
- How will we merge our decorating tastes? Do either of us have items we’re not willing to give up?
- Am I prepared to have someone always in my space?
- Does s/he drink/smoke too much?
- What is /her/his financial track record?
- Has s/he been financially dependent on prior girlfriends?
- What do our recurring fights tend to be about? Do we believe that cohabitation will fix those issues?
- Could our routine spats get worse when we share such close quarters? How have we prepared for that?
- Am I hoping this will lead to getting engaged? If so, does he know that and share the goal of marriage?
- If we split up, how will we divide our assets?
Before Getting Engaged
- How much do I expect him/her to spend on a ring relative to his income? Does s/he know this?
- What is the first thing I’ll be excited about when they propose, the ring or spending our lives together?
- Does being with her/him make me truly happy - happier then I was before - or am I just relieved to have a fiance?
- Am I doing this because it feels right or is it because I have an internal time lime?
- Do I feel pressured because my friends are engaged or my family is pushing me?
- Does s/he take responsibility and know how to say “I’m sorry” or does s/he stonewall me?
- What kind of friends and friendships does s/he have?
- Does s/he put their friends ahead of our relationship?
- Are we moving at the same pace or is one of us rushing the other to take this next step?
- When I have pangs for old flames, are they random and fleeting or do they leave me longing?
- Has s/he ever flirted or been touchy-feely with others while dating me? If so, am I convinced they now understand appropriate boundaries?
- Do we have the same ideas about where to live?
- What are her/his long term values and goals in terms of her/his career? Wealth? Relationships? Family? Health? Are those compatible with mine? Do I expect any of those to change - for either of us - down the line?
- Would I be prepared to move if they got a great job in another state?
Before Getting Married
- Can s/he put up with my relatives and can I put up with hers/his?
- Are either of us cut off or over-involved with our families?
- Have we discussed our family health histories?
- Have we discussed whether or not we want kids, how many, and how we want to raise them?
- Are we on the same page about our careers? Does one of us want to stay at home?
- Would s/he be cool with my desire to work - or not - after kids?
- Would I be okay with if if I were the breadwinner? Would s/he?
- Would he be okay with it if I keep my last name?
- Do I feel comfortable “marrying” into his social circle of friends?
- If one of her/his parents turned on me, would s/he stand up for me or would I have to fight for myself?
- What’s her/his idea of the right way to discipline children?
- What are our values (family, religion, politics) and do they mesh?
- Do we have similar definitions of what quality leisure time is and how our vacations should be spent?
- Will I be incurring any of her/his debts or will s/he be incurring any of mine?
- Do we plan on having separate bank accounts or creating one that we will both share?
- Is s/he open to going to therapy to work through problems if we need to one day? Am I?
- If s/he doesn’t change and what I’m getting now is exactly what s/he’s going to be and nothing better, will I still be content with her/him?
So you’ve got your engagement ring. What’s next? Planning your wedding! Choosing the perfect wedding bands is very important, whether they’re simple and soft or covered in loose diamonds.
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June 21st, 2007 at 12:30 pm
The moving in together helped us save a ton of money…
Which we promptly blew on the wedding because we didn’t know about your site until today.
July 3rd, 2007 at 11:21 am
Hey, I hope that you haven’t stopped updating this blog. I haven’t seen a new post here for some time. I was a big fan, now that I am planning a wedding on a budget.
Best of luck to you both.
July 5th, 2007 at 12:57 pm
I found this post very helpful…Link Pampered Passions to your wedding site. They don’t have any stuff for guys but who cares? He will be too busy looking at me in my lace bustier to notice Anyways, they have a contest to win a Bahamas trip. We’re going for our honeymoon, but I wouldn’t mind goin back.
http://www.pamperedpassions.com/sweepstakes.htm